then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
