i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
