wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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