I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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