she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
