Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
