ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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