im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I supernannyed him into submission
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
