You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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