Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
