OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
