I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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