Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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