Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
