I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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