Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
