I wannas sexs uuuuu
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
