its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
