i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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