1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
