Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
