It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
