apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
