there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
