Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
