check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
