I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
