Someone shit on the floor
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
