I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
