i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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