redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
