Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
