if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
