I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
