I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
