angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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