mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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