Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
