He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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