either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
