i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
