Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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