omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
