I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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