wanna go halves on a baby?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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