Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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