there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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