talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
