He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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