i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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