Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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