i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
