I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
